Dream of Louie

Last night, I was woken up by Kiya's toe nails clicking against the bedroom door. I don't know why both Louie and Kiya choose to sleep just outside our bedroom in the landing on the second level, instead of sleeping downstairs on the cool cement floor with the ceiling fan turned on for them. Perhaps they want to be as close to us as possible, or more likely (and less sentimentally) - Kiya probably chooses to sleep right outside our bedroom because the air-conditioned air can be felt near the bedroom door! Ha.

Anyway. Louie would usually sleep against the walls on the landing, but Kiya - she chooses to sleep as close to the door as possible. All too often, she ends up lying down with her legs against the door, and when she dreams, she twitches her legs, like a puppet, and her toe nails would click on the door loudly - loud enough to wake me..

So last night, I got up and pushed her away from the door, and went back to bed, but could only sleep fitfully. When I finally dozed off, I dreamt vividly of both S, Kiya and Louie. We were all in a country house of sorts, with a large garden. It was perched on a cliff top, and the fence of the compound bordered the cliff itself. A dog barked somewhere far away, down in the canyon or valley at the bottom of the cliff, and both dogs ran to the edge and barked. And, to my utter horror, Louie did not stop there. He jumped. He jumped off the cliff.

Sometimes, I really wonder why we dream. Some dreams are so horrifying, so gut-wrenching, they tear at my heart, and I wake to a wet pillow, my cheeks streaked with tears! This time, all I knew was that my heart sank - and I was so, so sad, and I managed to cry Louie's name out, and ran down the hill to the valley. And when I finally got to the bottom of the valley, I found Louie lying on his side. His neck was broken. But when I neared him, he pitifully tried to lift his head, and his tail.. his tail still wagged a little. Like how he would sometimes be lying on the floor at home and I'd sing-song his name "Louie!" and he wouldn't move a muscle, except his tail, which would be beating up and down. I sank on my knees and cradled him.


I know it is only a dream.. I shouted out loud in my sleep and woke S, and I was glad to wake because it was only a dream, and I knew both my dogs were just outside the bedroom, probably sleeping soundly, dreaming of chasing cats and having duck for dinner. It's just that I love them both so much, I wouldn't know how I would, could- cope with the loss of the both of them. The loss of Moonshine still smarts - I do think about him, and I can't help but feel sad. However, I did try to rationalise it, and this fear I have is one of  losing Kiya and Louie before their time is up. And that is, at least another 5 or 6 years for Kiya, and another 11 years for Louie. If I have these years with them, then I would not grieve like I did for Moonshine. And I would be grateful and content, to have these years with them